It Tastes Better When You're Insane
by gedatsu-kitteh
Summary: AU. Zim is the new student. Dib is the insane boy in his class who doesn't know the definition of personal space. Zim begins to wonder how Dib could have gotten the way he is and vows to turn him sane hoping Dib will quit watching him in the shower. ZADR.
1. Chapter 1

It Tastes Better When You're Insane

By Gedatsu-Kitteh

Summary: Zim is the new student at school from an unknown unimportant country in Europe. Dib is the insane boy in his class who just won't leave him alone. Zim begins to wonder how Dib could have gotten the way he is and vows to turn him sane in hopes Dib will quit watching him in the shower. He seeks the help of Dib's younger sister Gaz but proves to be just as deranged as Dib. Zim and Dib are left to unlock Dib's past alone, which for some reason Dib cannot recall even in his sanest moments. WARNING: ZADR!

Zim was not happy.

His back was arched like a Halloween cat and his heels were lifted off the floor balancing on his tip toes in his instinctive "defensive mode" position. He stuck his lower jaw out pouting, his bottom row of teeth peeking out from behind his lower lip like little round snowcapped mountains. His light violet eyes glared through slits thin as pins, analyzing the filth before him.

His parents had decided to send him away for a year or so to a place called UH-MEH-RIH-KUH. They had said it would broaden his horizons, give him a chance to meet other people, experience a different culture. They were probably trying to prove to him that not all people were as stupid as his peers back home. But Zim knew better, people were the same where ever you went in the world. Whether they were black, white, purple, circumcised, or ridden with herpes they would always be stupid and smelly.

Yes, Zim was an antisocial misanthrope and proud dammit.

He cringed as he witnessed a child in the first row infiltrate the confines of its nose with a pencil.

Oh the wretched filth.

He regained his posture as he heard the screech of the teacher's chair. He swiveled his head around to watch her rise and then slither to his side at the front of the room. Zim shuddered. My Lord was no one _Normal?!_

"Class, I would not like to introduce 'Zim", but I have to anyway. He's a horrible new student transferring from somewhere horrible. Now say 'Hello'."

"Hi Zim." the class droned, not so very much in time with one another. Oh how he could not wait to witness the wonders that must take place during _this_ class.

Zim began walking toward the only empty desk in the room. It was behind a rather darkly attired boy who immediately whip-lashed around 180 degrees the second Zim's bum hit his seat.

He froze when his gaze collided with that of the gaping boy's.

He had large wild eyes framed with large glasses and black hair that naturally spiked in the back with one particularly large lock that hung above his head in a scythe like manner (apparently gifted with the ability to defy gravity). He wore a long trench coat and combat boots. He mildly reminded Zim of those kids who wrote horribly disgusting poetry. or drank your life juice… or something like that. Zim liked his life juice and decided it would be best to keep an eye on the big-headed boy.

As Zim watched the more he came to realize the boy was just so… filthy. And… ugly. Zim wrinkled his nonexistent nose (let's not forget to mention smelly). Zim decided that he hated this boy. More than anything.

"You…" GASP. It's vocal!

"Zim." He corrected shifting away uneasily. Zim almost sighed as he realized achieving personal space around this boy would be _very_ short lived.

"You're one of-" The boy took in a dramatically sharp breath. Zim inwardly groaned. "… _them!_"

Zim could just imagine the little speech bubble appear above him: "…"

"Your skin…! …ears! It's…" The big-head-boy-emo-thing jabbed a shaky finger in Zim's face. "It's… IT'S AN ALIEN!!! AN ALIEN!!!"

Zim jerked in his seat as the freak revealed a _rather_ viscious looking pen.

"Uh…" He swallowed nervously. "Zim greatly dislikes scary meat-boys brandishing ink-filled weaponry."

Stab.

"AAIEEEEE!!!! IT WANTS MY LIFE JUICE!!!" Zim immediately burst into hysterics flailing and tripping over his desk attempting to escape the molestation, landing flat on his rear.

Zim shrieked as Dib jabbed with his spooky pen of evil- luckily missing every time and spewing things along the lines of: "THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE OVER!!! DESTROY US ALL!!! QUICK!! KILL IT! KILL IT!!"

Zim scrambled to his feet to find the teacher calmly sitting at her desk and munching on god only knows what. Zim didn't know what was scarier. That there was an emotionally retarded boy after his sweet-sweet-so-ever-AMAzing-Zim-juice or that the teacher sat there as if she was watching the daily news.

My God the world was disgusting. Zim could remember gagging every morning back in his old country looking out his bedroom window.

"I KNEW IT! I knew it all along!!" The demented dirt child was now handling a nice pair of sharp sissors with an evil glint in its eye.

Yeah. Zim really missed those filthy mornings of horror and uncleanliness. And with that last depressing thought he dashed toward the open door faintly hearing the hideously insane chanting of: "Destroy us aaaaallll…. Destroy us aaaaallll…." He felt a shiver creep up his spine and physically shook with nerves. He stopped running to slide down the hallway wall to a hunched over sitting position.

Oh why oh _why_ must everything surrounding him always be so disturbing and ugly?

A/N: first chap. Reviews mean more story. So review away people! Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!!


	2. Chapter 2

There were a lot of things in life Zim refused to put up with. Crawling through smelly school air shafts to avoid insane big headed boys just to get to the next class could be considered one of those things. He has now been crouching in the same position for over five minuets and his organs were beginning to cramp. He had to keep on his toes if he were to go unnoticed. For an insane big headed boy he sure did catch on quick. Zim frowned to himself as he remembered how earlier that day in the cafeteria the ebony haired boy had caught him hiding in the potato salad. He thought his green skin would have allowed him to blend in perfectly. _Stupid stupid stupid stupid…_

Okay. It has now been 7 minuets. No sign of the scary crazy kid. Time to go! Zim carefully lifted the screen out of the wall climbing through the wall into the outside world. Thank God this day was finally over.

Walking home Zim decided to make a list of things he had learned that day.

big headed boys are scary

Potato salad does not make a good hiding place

And number three turned out to be a blue print of the school air shaft system; quite a productive day actually. Zim continued humming to himself, quite pleased for once. He could _finally_ just go home, at peace and alone with his genius thoughts. And he actually _was_ a genius; a child prodigy in fact. He loved creating things, regardless of whether or not what he actually invented could be considered useful. Zim just liked problem solving in general. Mysteries and the unknown absolutely _thrilled_ him. Once Zim decided to think about this and decided that discovering things gave him a purpose in life; it made the world a little more interesting and life a little more worth living. Aside from that, Zim absolutely _abhorred_ confusion. He needed everything to make sense to him and he needed to know everything about everything.

And he didn't realize it then, but walking back home all he could think about was Dib, one question soaring through his subconscious: Why?

Why was the crazy boy so crazy? WHO was the crazy boy? What did he want with ZIIIM?

Zim's bottom jaw jut out slightly as he hummed, thinking of ways to discover the boy's intentions. His humming began to sync in tune to his boots slapping the sidewalk as he marched down the street that would lead him home.

As Zim reached his house and was about to turn into his walkway he stopped. His eyes darted around the atmosphere in a quick analysis of the situation. He felt his adrenaline pump through his veins for split second until he registered that the area was secure. He let out a long sigh.

"Wooooooo!" He wiped away the beads of sweat that were beginning to collect as his brow. He could have sworn he felt a disturbance. Now anyone else would have thought a sixth sense to be nothing but paranoia, but Zim's "episodes" had a long history of always- _always_ being correct.

He cautiously opened the gate and stepped inside. He halted swishing to defense position, prepared for any attack that may shoot his way. Seconds passed. None came. And so with newly restored confidence, Zim marched up to his front door with his eyes closed. Oh how amazing he was.

When he got to his door, he opened his eyes and released a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. Smiling, he stuck his keys in the door, jerked them once to the left and the door swung open revealing before a sea of ebony darkness.

Normally the dark didn't even phase Zim, but after the great amount of stalking he was subjected to today he was wary of even the slightest- _KLINK!_ Zim froze for a second then leaned in, to squint into the darkness. He heard rumbling; getting louder and louder as it neared the entrance. Zim's pupils shrunk to the size of pinheads then-

_**-BLAM!!!**_

"GIIIIIR!!! What is the meaning of thiiis??" It was only that _styuuupid FILthee_ robot. "I thought I shut you off before I left?"

The little robot looked thoughtful for a moment, scratching it's little chin trying desperately to reach some sort of information that had escaped him and left his brain in the dust. His sensitive robot eyes caught a glimpse of movement behind his master, who currently had his hands over his hips and his bottom teeth jutting out in his signature scowl of displeasure-ment-ness.

"DERES A BIG HEAD BOY JUS BEHIN' YO!! AH SEEN IM!! Ah seen im good ah deed ah deed!!"

Zim's lip vibrated with a growl. _–should have dismantled the stupid- when I had the- WAIT. Big head boy?_ Zim turned around swiftly. And sure enough he caught a glimpse of a little black scythe peeking from behind a bush. _Oh Mother of mercy! Why??_ Zim's palm slapped to his forehead.

Zim made a choked frustrated noise as he beat his fist into the space between his eyes. PERFECT. Now the little bugger knew where he lived. PERFECTO-MUNDO-GRANDE or whatever- some Spanish word… thing…

"Come out!! Zim has spotted you with his INcredible eyes!!! There is no sense in hiding now- _boy-uh._" Zim spat out the last phrase, narrowing his eyes toward the boy's hiding spot trying to burn a hole through that cursed bush. After a second of no movement on the boys part Zim scoffed and folded his arms to his chest in contempt. "You defy ZIIM??? Well then, it seems you have left Zim with no other choice but to let his robot _force_ you out- GAAAHHH!!" Before Zim even knew what happened his face was pushed into a mound of grass with an aching weight straddling his back.

"HA! You fell for my decoy _Zim!_"

Huh? Decoy?- OH. Zim spit out the dirt clogging his air way and whipped his fist around colliding with the boy's skull. –for the love of all that was good in life he was going to DECAPITATE this _stooopid BIG HEAD BOY!!!_

The boy fell on the pavement and made an OOFF sound.

"YOU DARE TO TACKLE ZIM IN HIS OWN HOME????? YOU _**DARE**_??" Zim spat clawing at the sky in "rant-mode". "OF ALL THE FILTHY CHILDREN I HAVE EVER MET I HAVE _NEVER-__**NEVER EVER EVER EVER **__**NEVER**___ MET SOMEONE AS INTOLERANT AS YOU- _**EVERRRRRR**_!!!!!" He screeched the last bit in the boys face who recoiled, looking bitten.

Zim panted heavily and violently pointed in the opposite direction of his home, where Dib scrambled to in seconds flat, a wildly scared out of his dreams look in his eye.

AN: not much going on in this chapter but WHAAAATEVER.

I UPDATE!! FINALLY!!


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